Spam skribita en Esperanto!

Now I’ve seen everything: I just got spam written in what I believe is Esperanto. Here’s the text of the message:

Gxuste novaj manioj, treege sukcese kaj efektive aldonigxinte al liaj malnovaj krimaj inklinoj, igis lin fari tiun krimon.

Here’s a translation from an Esperanto to English translation site:

Just new manioj, extremely succeedally and in fact having finished being addinging to his un-new criminal inclinations, caused him to do that crime

Okay. Now I know.

Well, that was no fun

I was watching the Raptors game tonight, and yes, that was a royal whupping. But I’m wondering: how did New Jersey lose so many games this year?

During the regular season, the Raptors employed a simple approach to success:

• Give the ball to Chris Bosh.
• Wait for the opponents to double-team him. (If they don’t double-team him, he drives to the basket and scores.)
• Kick the ball out to the perimeter.
• Move it around to the open man, who then scores.

New Jersey seem to have found a way to defend this. They use their point guard to serve as the second defender on Bosh, and keep everybody else guarded. Bosh then has no alternative but to pass the ball back to Ford or Calderon. Because Bargnani is still getting up to speed – and is still learning the game – the Raptors have nobody else who can beat a defender one-on-one. So they have no scoring options available except to settle for long jumpers from their point guard.

On offense, Vince Carter has suddenly started trying his hardest. When he is on his game, he is impossible to stop one-on-one. Carter has been very effective from behind the 3-point line; if the defender moves out to prevent this, Carter then blows past him and scores. And if the Raptors double-team Carter, the Nets have been good at finding the open man. And if the Raptors rotate their defense well enough to cover everybody, they usually leave Kidd with enough room to sink 3-pointers. How can you defend all of that?

On a totally unrelated subject: the other day, I saw a woman wearing a T-shirt with the following message: I gained 20 pounds in 3 months. Ask me how.

Sunshine is good for you

I’ve always enjoyed being outdoors in the spring and summer. There’s something about the bright sunshine that just makes me happier. Every year, I feel better in April and May, and worse in September through November. But I’ve always wondered: am I putting myself at risk by being outdoors so much?

According to an article in today’s Globe and Mail, I’ve been doing it right all along: being outdoors in the summer sun is, apparently, a very effective way to fend off all kinds of cancers. It’s effective because sunshine causes the body to generate vitamin D – and, if this article is to be believed, regular doses of this vitamin have more of an effect on reducing cancer incidence than stopping smoking does.

The article also points out that a shortage of vitamin D leads to an increase in multiple sclerosis, juvenile diabetes, influenza, osteoporosis and bone fractures among the elderly.

For years, Canadian health officials have recommended staying out of the sun to minimize the risk of skin cancer. But, if these studies are to be believed, this is a poor tradeoff: skin cancers are usually easily treatable and are virtually never fatal (which I know from personal experience), while cancers whose occurrence can be reduced by vitamin D are much more deadly.

No kidding

According to the Globe, support for the Conservatives is slipping. According to a poll conducted by the Strategic Counsel, the Tories are at 36 percent, which is roughly their level of support in the last election. The Liberals are at 30 percent, the NDP at 13, and the Greens are now up all the way to 12.

Allan Gregg, the head of the Strategic Counsel, said this about the Tories: “They tend to get good solid marks on management issues and economic questions, but when you get into the social or ideological issues, they find themselves offside with mainstream Canada.” Yup.

Joe Clark? Never heard of him.

Saw this in an email I got from The Career Digest, a career-related newsletter:

Fears of looking too young or too old are common among workers on both ends of the age spectrum. To help counteract the prejudices of hiring managers, co-workers and bosses, career counselors suggest that you highlight skills rather than age. Steps could include excising your graduation date from your resume, dressing differently, or taking care not to make references to world events that betray your age.

Why aren’t they?

Today’s Globe and Mail featured an article calling for the resignation of Canada’s Defense Minister, Gordon O’Connor, over allegations that Canadian prisoners in Afghanistan that are handed over to Afghan authorities are subsequently tortured.

One thing I noticed when reading the article: the detainee transfer agreements signed by Britain and the Netherlands give these countries permission to check on the welfare of the prisoners they have transferred. The agreement signed by Canada apparently does not. And I’m wondering: why not? Why aren’t the Canadians allowed?

The article goes on to point out that international law makes it illegal to facilitate torture in any way – which is something that the United States government might need to remember, too.

Sunshine and the environment

Yesterday was the first real day of spring, after about 117 consecutive cloudy days. The sunshine looks different during the spring and summer months: the light is brighter, and all the colours are sharper. It’s like living inside an Edward Hopper painting.

And the weekend is supposed to be sunny and warmer, with highs of 21C, 22C and 23C. I guess we’re bypassing April completely this year: after two months of February, we’re going straight into June.

On the national political scene, the latest fuss is over Environment Minister John Baird’s claim that Bill C-288, which forces compliance with the Kyoto Protocol, would cause significant damage to the economy. According to the Globe and Mail, Baird stated that 275,000 Canadians would lose their jobs, gas prices would jump 60 percent, and natural gas prices would double.

However, Baird apparently has not provided any figures to support his claims, and his report has not factored in the positive benefits of employing green technology (which could save money and create new jobs).

I think it’s obvious that compliance with Kyoto would cost money in the short term. And the benefits of green technologies would take some time to kick in. This probably does mean that the economy would be adversely affected. But, if the environmentalists are right, something has to be done now, or the effects of climate change would cause greater harm to the economy later. (What if, for example, coastal cities all over the world are flooded by rising ocean levels?)

This all reminds me of another quotation from Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. He once suggested that the following message should be carved into the Grand Canyon, as a message to civilizations from other planets: “We probably could have saved ourselves, but we were too damned lazy to try very hard … and too damn cheap.”

In case you’re wondering…

If you’re wondering why the sun hasn’t been seen in these parts lately, it’s because (as I’ve mentioned before) I’m between contracts right now, and am wanting to enjoy a few sunny days before looking for a new position. Naturally, there haven’t been any sunny days. I’m convinced that the universe is trying to teach me a lesson.

Of course, I’m not going to give in this easily. I want to enjoy some good weather before being forced to sit inside an office building while it’s sunny and warm out – especially since I’ll probably have to work through the summer this year. The universe seems to have other ideas.

We’ll see who blinks first.

More from Vonnegut

This morning, I ran across an article from the Guardian books page discussing Kurt Vonnegut Jr. and his death. It mentioned another of Vonnegut’s quotations: “We are put on earth to fart around. Don’t let anyone tell you any different.”

The article also links to an excerpt from Vonnegut’s last book, A Man Without A Country. In this book, Vonnegut notes that the country he loved and fought for in the Second World War has been taken over by C-students from Yale, white supremacists masquerading as Christians, and people with psychopathic personalities. As he puts it:

In case you haven’t noticed, as the result of a shamelessly rigged election in Florida, in which thousands of African-Americans were arbitrarily disenfranchised, we now present ourselves to the rest of the world as proud, grinning, jut-jawed, pitiless war-lovers with appallingly powerful weaponry – who stand unopposed.

For more on Vonnegut, you can check out his Paris Review interview (in which, basically, he was his own interviewer). And, if you haven’t read any of his books, I’d recommend Mother Night or Slaughterhouse-Five as a good place to start.

Spring has to be earned

I have two theories that might explain the very late spring in these parts.

One is that winter is like a giant bucket of crap that has to be completely emptied. We started emptying the bucket late this year, as you may recall: December and the first week of January were very mild and non-wintery. We now have to pay for that luxury by giving up our April. You see, spring has to be earned every year with sweat and despair.

The other theory is that it’s personal: it’s not going to get warm until I’m back at work and am forced to endure watching bright sunny days through an office window. So it’s all my fault. Sorry about that, everybody.